"TALKING ABOUT FRIENDS"
Hi there. Let me start by thanking my numerous readers for their wonderful response to this column. I must say that I am quite touched by the avalanche of readers' feedback I receive weekly in my mail box. I definitely feel motivated and encouraged to write more, so please keep reading, and do forgive me if I do not respond immediately to your mail. However, I hate to say that I have received one or two mischievous e-mails from guys trying to 'toast' me. Let me state clearly that I am a happily married woman with children; and a God fearing one at that. So please if you must write me, make certain that it is not anything silly or mischievous. My purpose for writing this column is simply to impact positively on lives, nothing more.
On a lighter note, lets examine the issue of friendship today. Who is a friend, and what do you look out for before making friends? A friend is someone with whom one relates closely, a well wisher, who has one's interest at heart. Most people have many acquaintances; people they meet everyday, in the course of life. Often times, we refer to our acquaintances as friends, simply because we do not really understand the concept of friendship. A friend is not just an acquaintance. A friend is someone whom you know well enough and trust enough to want to share your thoughts, feelings, aspirations, fears, and even pains with. A friend is not likely to be perfect because nobody is perfect, even though we all should strive towards perfection especially when we have faith in God. Although your friend isn't perfect, he or she must be someone who genuinely has no evil intent or ill wishes for you. Such a person must wish you well, and not someone who will stab you in the back, plot to destroy you, or even wish you drop dead!
So what qualities should you look out for before making friends? I believe that the most important consideration for friendship is compatibility. A friend should be someone with whom you share basic values. That is not to say that you must agree on very single thing; however, friends definitely need to be quite congenial. They also need to have mutual respect and trust in each other. Friends should be able to encourage one another and possibly motivate each other to accomplish their individual dreams and goals. Friends should be truthful to one another. We are human, and prone to error, so friends should be able to express their disappointments in each other; and also be courageous enough to apologise whenever they wrong themselves. Yes, a true quality of friendship is the ability to make amends whenever things go wrong, to be able to tell each other the truth, to respect each other's feelings, and to forgive when there are mistakes. However, if your supposed friend deliberately takes pleasure in hurting you often, and feels no qualms or remorse for wrong-doing, that person is not a good friend. You need to reconsider such relationship, and find out if it is truly worthwhile.
Friends should not be envious or jealous of one another. If you are someone who is prone to envy or jealousy, ask God to give you grace to be able to share in other people's joy rather than you dying inwardly because of jealousy. A good friend should be genuinely happy about the success, progress, or prosperity of his friend.
A good friend should also have some empathy for his or her friend when they suffer any mishap or set back.
Having laid a foundation for true friendship, let me quickly say that there is something called perverted friendship which youths must avoid. It is demonic, and a trap by evil forces to keep you in bondage. For example, those who indulge in sexual intimacy in the name of friendship, are on the pathway to destruction. Homosexuality, lesbianism, fornication and adultery, are all traps of destruction which every young person must avoid. It is only husbands and wives that have the legitimate right to be both friends and lovers.
Here is a quick tip on those you should consider making your friends. Firstly, you must be your own best friend. Secondly, one's parents, spouse, children and immediate family members should also be one's friends. Then of course, those acquaintances with whom you have shared happy moments, who meet most, or all of the qualities earlier enumerated, could be considered for friendship. Finally, your friends should be able to bring out the best in you, rather than lead you astray into iniquity. So please be careful and avoid bad friendship. It is better not to have friends, than to have friends who will lead you to destruction. Good friends are hard to find, so take your time before making friends. God bless you.